|
 Kendi
Hikayem:
Bir Kristal Çocuğun
Dünyaya Gelişi ve Annesine Getirdikleri
Burçak
Alkanlı
Biraz
komik geliyor bunlari anlatmak bana (Annelik Ozentisi diyecek bazilariniz)
ama sizlerle paylasayim dedim.
Ben
isteyerek bir bebek bekledim esimle. Ona en fazla ihtimami gosterecektim
cunku kendim zor bir cocukluk gecirmistim. Bu arada aslinda cocuk da
istemiyorken birden bire ruyama giriverdi. Onun yataginin cibinligini
hazirliyordum. Rengini simdi hatirlayamasam da pembeymis demek ki. Hamile
kalma karari ikimiz tarafindan da alindiktan sonra bir temizlenme surecine
girdim. E katki maddeli gidalar yerine hep en taze buldugum gidalari yemeye
basladim. Normalde cok seyrek olarak icmeme ragmen alkolu tamamen kestim.
Isimden ayrildim. Zehirli is ortaminin bana huzurlu bir hamilelik donemi
gecirtmeyecegini coktan biliyordum. Hatta biraz zorlandigim Yuksek Lisans
tezimle bile isim bitsin diye bekledim. Eve kapanip bir guzel klasik muzik
dinleyerek daha ona hamile kalmadan havaya girdim. Her aksam belli saatlerde
o guzel parcalari dinlemeyi surdurdum. Kendi atmosferimi yaratmis oldum.
Biraz romantik veya sacma gelebilir ama bebegime uyumlandim. Daha sonra
esimin huyunu cok begendigim icin Aslan burcu olsun diye tarih saptadik ama
ne imkanlar ne de o gece gelen misafirler bunu gerceklestirmemizi engelledi.
Tam doktorun verdigi tarihte esim disetlerinden ameliyat oldu. Ama sonunda
ilginc bir sekilde hamileydim iste. Tarihler karismis olabilir doktor
acisindan ya da bir mucize oldu. Sevincle onu sevmeye basladik. Muzik
dinletmeye devam…Babasi da onunla her gece saat 11:00 de konusuyordu.
3 ay
icinde bebek dustu. Cok uzuldum. Agladim. Kromozomlar uyusmamistir dedi
doktorum. Cok mutsuz durumdu. Kar yagdi kapali yollar yuzunden ameliyat
olmama gerek kalmadan bedenim temizlendi. Ben fazla beklemedim. Onu siddetle
istiyordum. Artik burcunun da o kadar onemi yoktu. Sonunda cok da beklemeden
3 ay sonra geldi. Yeniden ayni surecten gecildi. Babasi her gece 11:00 de
bazen yorgunluktan dolayi benim zorumla onunla konusuyor, ben en guzel
muzikleri bulup ona dinletiyor, hamilelikten dolayi uykusuz kaldigim
gecelerde oturup ona anne karninda ve sonrasinda nasil guzel bir egitim
verebilirim arastiriyordum. Egitim konusundaki saplantim da beyin
gelisiminin bebegin fetusun olusmasi ile baslamasi hakkindaki bilgiyi veren
bir kitaptan kaynaklaniyordu. Hep huzurlu olmaya gayret gosterdim. Zehirli
dusunceli insanlardan uzak, kimi zaman kendime masaj yaptirma zevkini
vererek her gun yikanarak ona en iyi sekilde bakip onu besledigimi
dusunuyordum. Kiz olursa adi belliydi daha onu istemeden once bile: Sevgi.
Erkek cocuk olursa ne ad verecegimize bir turlu karar veremiyorduk.
Hamileligimin son 3 ayinda Hamile Egitim Merkezine gittim Ayse Oner’in. Cok
huzur verici ve bilgilendirici oldu benim icin. Toplumun isteklerine karsi
kendi dogrularim icin nasil savasacagim konusunda yeterince bilgi edinmistim.
Su an sut veren anneler cok az bir kesim. Herkes mama ve yemek yedirmeye cok
kucukken basliyorlar. Bebeklerin karacigerleri bastan sorunlu oluyor.
Hazmetmesi kolay degil. Oysa anne sutu gibisi yok. Ben tum baskilara ragmen
tam 15 ay sut verebildim. Daha da verecektim 3 hatta 5 yasina kadar ancak
toplumda karsi cikiyor bazi olgulara. Beslenemiyor dediler kestim sonunda.
Zor ayrildik birbirimizden.
Her
neyse dogumum da cok dogal oldu. Guya epidural normal dogum olacakti. Oysa
cocuk suyun gelmeye baslamasi ile en fazla 1.5 saat icinde geliverdi.
Zorlandim ama doktor epidural ignesi yapacak zamani bulamadi ki. Kizim
tahmin edilen gunden 2 gun once geldi dunyaya. Zamani oyleymis demek ki.
Gelir gelmez bizleri suzuyordu basini kaldirip kime geldim ben diye.
Geceleri hastanede esim yanimda kaldi. Bu arada ameliyata da girdi, cok
cesurdu. Hep benimle ilgilendi. Ellerimi, ayaklarimi ovuyordu. Hatta cocuk
geldi. Doktor alin isterseniz dediginde saolsun “Esimin elini birakmayayim”
dedi dikisler atilirken. Sonrasinda geceleri aglarken hastanede ona Nesem
Sevgim demeye basladim bir yandan uykusuz uykusuz ona sut emzirirken. Ertesi
gun bunu hatirlayip esime hadi vermeyecektik ama 2. ismini de verelim dedim.
O da kizimiza Melek deyip duruyordu. Artan isimlerinden dolayi bu isi
sonlandirmak icin esim hastaneden cikinca ilk gun gidip nufus kagidini
cikartti Nese Sevgi olarak. Bebegimiz ilk gunlerde bizi bayagi
heyecanlandirdi. Kaka yaptiginda altini degistirirken, onu yikarken
ellerimiz titriyordu.
Alisana
kadar annem, kayinvalidem gelip yardimci oldu. Sonra evimize bir yardimci
aldik yemekleri pisirsin diye. Butun ihtimam kizim sut emsin diye yapildi.
Hanim sebze yemekleri pisirecek benim de bol sutum olacakti. Hakikaten de
kucucuk memelerimden bolca sut geldi. Sevgi Hanim doya doya her 5 dakikada
bir icti. Gece ve gunduz. Hic uyumadan uzun sure dayandim. Tabi daha sonraki
aylara birikmis yorgunluk olarak geri dondu bazi mineraller, vitaminler
vucudumda eksildi ama olsun. Onunla gule oynaya yaklasik bir sene gecirdim.
Artik gece gunduz yuksek seviyeli ihtimam bir taraftan onun gelismesine
sebep oluyor ancak beni de geri donulememecesine tuketiyordu. Yanimizdaki
hanimin kendi istegi ile ayrilmasindan sonra baska bir formule gittik.
Mature Ev Ogretmenligi denilen bir sistem ile bilimsel bakim ve egitimine
basvurduk. Cok tatli bir ogretmenimiz oldu 11 aylikken Sevgi. Cok iyi
anlastilar. Ben de biraz nefes alip kendimi toparlamaya basladim. Evimizin
hemen yakinindaki Yoga kursuna basladim. Cok iyi bir hoca yine tesadufen
kismet oldu. Kaybetmis olduklarimi (konsantrasyon, hafiza, direnc, guc,
kendine guven gibi) yeniden kisa bir sure icinde toparladim. Kilo sorunum
olmadi, zaten zararli seyleri yiyemez olmustum hamileligimin 5. ayinda seker
cikinca. Sut doneminde besiye cekilince biraz kilo almistim ancak onlari da
vermem cok surmedi yoga sayesinde.
Ondan
sonra yavas yavas ruhsal konular ilgimi cekmeye basladi bilimsel olanlarin
yaninda. Reiki aldim. Uygulamaya basladim. Cok huzur vericiydi. Bilgiler hep
birbirini tamamladi. Her zaman daha iyiye daha guzele ulasiyordum. Hayatimin
bu donemi belki de en huzur verici donemiydi. Belki herkes icin boyle
olmuyor ama ben cocuk icin zamani kolladim. Zamansiz bir hamilelik yerine
istenen bir hamilelik gecirdim sevdigim kisi ile birlikte. Bu cok onemli
insanin dengesi konusunda. Dogacak cocugun psikolojisini de mizacini da
etkiliyor. Daha sonra ikinci bir cocuk icin erken oldugunu ve benim de
yeterince dinlenememis oldugumu dusunup gereken onlemi aldik. Ekonomik
nedenler de dusunuluyor tabi ki. Bu zamanda egitim masraflari dusunulurse.
Bir ara tam kendimi toparladigimi dusundugum sirada yoga’dan kazanmis
oldugum guc ile ve de icgudusel olarak yeniden istedim bir bebek daha
dunyaya getirmeyi ancak esim zamanin dogru olmadigini soyledi ve durduk.
Bu arada
egitim sektoru ile ilgilenmeye basladim. Ne de olsa onceden ilerisini
dusunmek gerek. Orff kurslarina gittim. Kizimi Alev gibi bir okula vermek
istedigimden dolayi orada calisabilir miyim diye arastirmaya basladim. Ancak
egitimime uygun bir pozisyon yoktu. Pedagojik formasyonum da yoktu. O zaman
onu almamin yollarini aramaya basladim. Disaridan eskisi gibi verilmiyordu.
Bir gun gazeteye baktigimda Yeditepe Universitesinde (hemen yani basimizda
olan) Egitim Yonetimi adli bir programin acilmis oldugunu gordum. Esimi
gerekliligine ikna ettikten sonra hemen gidip konustum. Programa girmem hic
de zor olmadi. Oraya suklum puklum giden ben (ogretmenleri aliyorlardir
sadece diye) birkac ay sonra orada yildizli ogrenci olacaktim. Sinifin en
girisimci lider ogrencisi. Hem de bir bebekle. Bu dunyada her sey mumkunmus
arkadaslar iste orada anladim. Pedagojik formasyon dersleri benim hamilelik
sirasinda uykusuz kaldigim gecelerde yapmis oldugum calismalarla kolaylikla
yurudu. Her cumleyi ben tamamliyordum. O kadar ki okulu bir gun birakacagimi
soyledigimde bana Amerika’ya mi gideceksin diye sordular. Orada egitimim
devam ederken internetteki, anne gruplariyla olan iliskilerim suruyor kendi
grubumu da calistirmanin faydasi olarak bir suru yeni gruplarla tanisiyordum.
Reiki gruplari, sade yasam gruplari, bir gun Indigoturks adli grubun
kurulmus oldugunu fark ettim ve cok mutlu oldum. Kendi bebek_cocuk grubuma
duyurdum. Yillar once kitabi okumus ve cok haz almistim. Simdi o zamani daha
iyi degerlendirebiliyorum. Ben de asi bir cocuktum ama asam kirilmisti.
Boyun egmistim ve bunun acisini yillarca sanat okuyamamaktan dolayi
engellenmis olarak cekmistim. Sonrasi zaten dogal olarak hep engellenmelerle
gecmis is hayati bana cok da mutluluk getirmemisti.
Bir gun
Indigoturks grubunun kurucusu Mehmet bizi toplantiya cagirdi. Kadikoy’de
Mustafa Akkas Bey’in konusmaci olarak katildigi bu toplanti simdiki
degisiklikleri yaratacakti hayatimda. Indigo’lardan ve benim son zamanlarda
kurmus oldugum Kristal Cocuklar’dan bahsettik. Ufuklarimiz acildi
tartisirken. Sonra Mehmet gruplari bir cati altinda toplayalim mi diye
sordu. Bir de Irem’in kurmus oldugu Indigo Aile grubu varmis bir sekilde
karsilasmamisim daha onceden. Hiperaktif cocuklar grubuna uyeyken oradan bu
gruba iletilen bir mesaji gorup oraya gitmis olmaliyim.
Olaya o
zaman hiperaktif cocuklar gozu ile bakiyordum. Herhalde beni oraya
suruklemis olan grup Ritalin’le savasan Hiperaktif Cocuk grubuydu. Onun da
etkisi olmustur. Zaten kitap da (Indigo Cocuklar) acikcasi farkli
tanitmiyordu bu cocuklari. Her neyse ben hep daha onceki bebek_cocuk
grubumda yaptigim gibi olayi daha nasil gelistirebiliriz, cocuklari nasil
daha iyi egitebiliriz diye 3. boyuttan bakarken birden zaman icinde
toplantilar ve sohbetler sonucunda bambaska bir dunyaya gozumu actim. Olay
enteresan cocuklardan bu dunyaya bambaska bir irade getirmekte olan
cocuklara, insanlara donustu. Tabi ilk soku atlatirken ruhsal boyutlara
inecegimi hic bilmiyordum, bir donem yakindim ve gruptan da ayrilmak
istedim. Ruhsallikla bir problemim yoktu ancak din iceren mesajlari konu ile
alakasini hic anlamamistim. Burasi bir Din Kulturu ve Ahlak Bilgisi dersine
donusmustu bir an icin gozumde. Oysa ben bu dersi alip konuyu kapatali
yillar olmus, bu konu ile ilgili hicbir sey duymak ya da yapmak
istemiyordum. Daha sonra gruba geri don diyen ikinci cagridan sonra kendimi
toparladim. Bu konulari anlayip algilayabilmek icin bir gayrete geldim.
Hatta sinav donemlerimde bile ders calismak yerine bunlari ogrenmeyi tercih
eder hale geldim. Kizimin bir Kristal Cocuk oldugunu biliyordum ancak bunun
kaniti yoktu. Birileri bana soylemisti ve Mehmet’in destegi ile kurmus
oldugum grupta onerilen yeni yayinlanmis olan Kristal Cocuklar kitabini
okudugumda da onun orada verilen tariflere aynen uydugunu goruyordum. Biraz
abdala malum olur cinsinden bir ogrenmeden sonra daha fazla bilgi toplamak
uzere Kristal Cocuklar Grubunu kurmus ve sonunda buralara gelmistim. Ve bir
Kristal Cocugun sadece Indigo ebeveynlerden dunyaya gelebilecegini ogrendim
ceviriler yaparken. Yani ben de bir Indigo cocukmusum ve bu gruba kendime
yardim etmeye gelmisim aslinda.
Simdi
ise ben de oldum bir metafizikci. Yani ahlaki yargilarim dini bilgi ile
sinirlandirilmis olanin uzerine cikti. Demek istedigim artik bana
ezberletilerek ogretilmis olan bilgileri daha farkli bir kavrama ile alip
yargiliyorum. Bunda burada gecen degisik menseli mesajlarin da payi buyuk.
Son donemde ise artik yargilamayi da astim. Otomatik olarak bilgiler hazneye
uyuyorsa hemen oturuyor. Uymayanlar disari atiliyor. Cok otomatiklesti
hakikaten. Sezgim acildi. Bircok seyden kendiliginden haberdar oluyorum. Cok
da memnunum bu halimden. Artik ben de “Evrende hicbir sey tesaduf degildir”
diyebiliyorum inanarak. Baska guzel projelerimiz var. Hepsi icin mutluluk ve
haz duyuyorum. Ve de Sukran.
Sevgiler,
Burçak Alkanlı
English Version:
My Story
The Birth of a Crystal Child and Awakening of Her Mother
by Burcak Alkanli
Even though the following story might be funny to tell and you might call
the whole story a mother’s affection, I wanted to share my feelings and
thoughts with you.
My husband and I
wanted to have a baby. Since I had a difficult childhood, I wanted to show
her the greatest care. Although I was preconceiving for a baby, she appeared
to fulfill my dreams. There I was, preparing her mosquito net. I started to
prepare for detoxification as soon as we decided to conceive. I began to eat
fresh organic food instead of processed food. I quit drinking even though I
only drank socially. I quit my job because I felt it was a detrimental
environment which was not convenient to my pregnancy. I even waited to
finalize my master’s thesis in which I had a little bit of difficulty. I sat
myself at home and listened to classical music for the preconception period
to calm down myself. Every evening at the same hour, I continued to listen
to those beautiful partitions. Finally I created my most idealist atmosphere.
It may sound a little bit romantic or nonsense to some of you but I was
ready to be harmonious with my baby.
Three months
after a sorrowful miscarriage, I was pregnant again! We began to love her
joyously. We continued to make her listen to music. Her father was speaking
to her every night. I was reading and doing research on how I could give her
a helpful education as I had insomnia at nights because of the pregnancy. I
was careful to be always in peace and beware of people with detriment
thoughts. Sometimes I let myself have my body massaged. I did not engage
with any sports and bathed every day. I believed in showing her the best
nurture and care. If it would come to world as a girl, her name was already
picked even before we preconceived a baby: Sevgi which means “Love” in
Turkish. If it were to be a boy, I and my husband would have disagreement
about the names.
I continued a
prenatal education course at Ayºe Öner’s prenatal center (the best one in
Istanbul) the last three months of my pregnancy. It was so peaceful and very
enlightening for me. I was informed very well on how to ignore or convince
others and implement my own rights (others who insisted on the usual and
traditional ways of living for me and my baby). For instance, only a
minority of mothers breastfeed. In Turkey, they begin to feed with everyday
food and infant formula in the early months, which ends up harming the
infant’s liver. (It is mostly because of the formula companies which work
with doctors and also because of modernization of parenting issues as seen
in the West.) These foods are not easy to digest for premature organs. There
is nothing like mother’s milk. I was able to breast-feed her for 15 months
despite all pressure against it. I would like to give more till she is three
or five but the society does not approve of breast fed children. (A taboo -
is an abnormal thing for some of them). Mothers in Turkey feel pressured and
are afraid of getting them addicted to breastfeeding. It is also tough for
mothers to stop breastfeeding consciously.
Anyway, my way of
giving birth was very natural. Instead of planned epidural birth, she was
born 2 days before the planned day. I was convinced for the natural birth
method and the doctor did not find time to make an epidural injection. She
was raising her head and looking to us to see whose family she had joined.
At nights my husband stayed with me at the hospital. By the way he also
watched the birth by myself, and was very brave. He always encouraged me,
holding and massaging my hands and feet. Moreover when she was delivered,
the doctor allowed him to hold her if he wanted, but my husband responded
that I would still need him, and he did not want to leave my hands while the
sewing was being made.
Afterwards, I was
sleepless at night so I started calling her “my love”, “my joy”. I told my
husband that she would have the second name Neºe which means “Joy” in
Turkish. Also, my husband called her Melek (meaning Angel). But later on, my
husband had her registered at the population department as Neºe (Joy) and
Sevgi (Love). Our baby made us very thankful to God and excited in her first
days at home. When we were changing her diapers or bathing her, our hands
were shaky.
To help us in our
new situation, our mothers came and supported us the first days. Later we
hired a maid to cook while I was breastfeeding every five minutes. All our
attention was focused on our baby when we breast-fed. She fed every five
minutes day and night! I had many sleepless nights. At the end, I was
exhausted because of accumulated sleeplessness and tiredness so I began to
run out of some essential minerals and vitamins.
I spent one year
beside her laughing and playing. As she was growing up, I was exhausted with
daily and nightly care. We changed our system of assistance from domestic
help to home teacher. With the system of Mature Home Teaching we consulted
with a scientific care and education center. We had a very smart teacher
when Sevgi was 11 months. They got along very well from the first moment.
Happily I began to breathe a little bit and recover. I began a yoga course.
I was very lucky to have it in a close location with an excellent teacher. I
began to recover what I formerly had lost, such as my concentration, memory,
resistance, power, and self esteem. I did not have any weight problems, nor
any bad eating habits, though I had had a sugar problem when I was five
months pregnant. I gained a few kilos, eating more in order to breastfeed,
but I lost them easily, thanks to yoga.
Let me tell you
how I began to be interested in some spiritual aspects beside scientific
ones. I learned Reiki and became a practitioner. It was very peaceful. The
knowledge has always completed itself. I was reaching all the time to become
better. This time of my life was perhaps the most peaceful period for me.
Maybe it is not the case for everybody but I decided to give birth to a
child when I was readyt. Instead of having an unplanned pregnancy, mine was
willingly initiated with my loved one. It is very important to one’s balance,
as well as the psychology and temperament of one's child. Later, we decided
that we need to wait and not to have the second child and so we used
prevention. Economic reasons are also important, particularly if one wants
to be able to afford a good education for one's child.
I got interested
in the education sector. I wanted to look ahead and I began to take Orff
lessons. I wanted my daughter to be educated in a good school. In Turkey,
private education can begin at a very early age and it is very expensive. I
am looking around for an available position to put my child in a good school.
One day on a paper I saw a new university program named “Training Management”
in a University which is close to me. After I convinced my husband, I had an
interview with them. It was then possible to register for the program.
As I had been
studying very hard while I was pregnant, taking teaching lessons has been a
lot easier. While I have been studying, I had my connections with mother
groups on the internet and I have met several new internet forums such as
Reiki forums and natural life forums. One day I saw a forum about Indigos
and I was very happy. I have mentioned about my own baby-child forum. I had
read the Indigo book and enjoyed it very much. Now, I appreciate my time
doing those.
Indigoturks Yahoo
forum invited us to meet. This meeting would create changes in my life. We
have talked about Indigos and Crystal Children on the internet forum that I
now moderate. These sessions have broadened our horizons. Later, our friend,
Mehmet Karaarslan, asked us “Should we gather all the forums?” Also there
was a forum called Indigo-Family which was moderated by a friend named Irem
Ertürk.
Lately, I have
been thinking about these children being hyperactive. I think the reason for
this was the people on the hyperactive-children internet forum have been
fighting about Ritalin. In fact, the Indigo book doesn’t explain these
children differently. As I have been looking from 3rd dimension on how we
can develop the event, I have opened my eyes to a different world as a
result of those sessions. The event was interesting: There were some
children, different humans who brought up with a completely different will.
I didn’t know that I would attend in spiritual dimensions and I wanted to
leave the group. I had no problem with spirituality, but I couldn’t
understand the connection between the messages which contained religious
matters and being Indigo. Later, I have been invited again, and I smartened
myself up. I have tried to understand these subjects. I knew that my
daughter was a crystal child, but I had not any proof of it. Someone has
told this to me and I have read a book named “Crystal Children”. My daughter
fits that description which was explained in that book. I have created
Crystal Children forum. And as I have translated some articles, I have
learned that a Crystal Child can only bear through Indigo parents. It means
that I am also an Indigo and in fact I have come into this group to help
myself.
Now, I have
become a metaphysical human. This means that my ethical ideas have exceeded
the idea which was limited by religious information. Now, I see the
information that I had memorized differently. I appreciate different sources
contributed the forum very much. Recently, I have transcended to judge. If
the information fits to my heart, I accept it. If not, I don’t accept it. My
intuition was activated. I have knowledge about several things automatically.
I am very glad to be like this. I mean with faith that “nothing is an
accident in the Universe”. I am extremely happy for the whole universe and I
enjoy its beauties.
With love,
Burçak Alkanlı
CNE ONLINE - NİSAN 2005
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